Baek Se-hee’s memoir I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is more than a book; it is an intimate confession about what it means to live with depression in a society that often hides pain behind politeness. First published in Korean in 2018 and translated into English in 2022, the book quickly became a global phenomenon. It opened a space for honest conversations about mental health, especially in South Korea, where emotional struggles are still largely unspoken.
Table of Contents
The Meaning Behind the Title
The unusual title captures the heart of Baek Se-hee’s experience. It expresses the strange contradiction of wanting to die yet still finding comfort in something as simple as tteokbokki, a beloved Korean snack. This balance between despair and hope, between darkness and ordinary joy, defines the emotional world of the book. Baek’s candid approach makes readers reflect on their own hidden conflicts between sadness and the small things that keep them going.
A Dialogue Between Patient and Therapist
The book unfolds mostly through conversations between Baek and her psychiatrist. These dialogues are not dramatic; they are calm, repetitive, and painfully real. The sessions capture the slow rhythm of therapy, where healing rarely comes in big moments but in tiny realizations. Baek talks about her chronic dysthymia, her self-doubt, and her struggle to appear fine even when she feels broken inside. Her psychiatrist listens with quiet empathy and helps her explore the roots of her pain.
Readers often find themselves identifying with her vulnerability. Many have described the experience of reading the book as sitting in their own therapy session. The simplicity of these exchanges makes the story both personal and universal.
Themes of Identity, Self-Worth, and Modern Loneliness
At its core, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is about identity and self-worth. Baek Se-hee was a successful editor, surrounded by people and achievements, yet she constantly felt inadequate. This shows how depression often hides behind success and smiles. Her journey reflects the pressure many people feel to seem perfect in a world obsessed with appearances.
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The book also explores the theme of loneliness in modern life. Baek describes how social media and urban routines can make people feel more isolated despite constant connectivity. She admits how exhausting it is to maintain a cheerful image when she feels empty inside. The honesty of her reflections encourages readers to accept their emotions instead of suppressing them.
Why the Book Touched Millions
Baek Se-hee’s memoir resonated not just in Korea but across the world because of its authenticity. It came at a time when more people were beginning to talk about anxiety, burnout, and emotional fatigue. The English translation by Anton Hur preserved Baek’s soft humor and vulnerability, allowing her message to travel across cultures. Readers in many countries saw their own struggles reflected in her words.
The book’s success also marked a cultural shift. It showed that personal stories of mental illness are not signs of weakness but sources of courage. Baek’s openness helped break social taboos and encouraged many young readers to seek therapy or open up about their emotions.
Writing Style and Emotional Impact
Baek’s writing style is gentle, simple, and genuine. She does not use complex literary devices. Her strength lies in her honesty. Each sentence feels like a quiet whisper, yet it carries great emotional depth. This minimalism allows readers to focus on the meaning rather than the style. The tone remains consistent throughout the book: reflective, vulnerable, and sincere.
The emotional impact of the book is subtle but lasting. It does not promise instant healing or solutions. Instead, it reminds readers that recovery is slow, filled with small victories. Just as Baek finds comfort in a warm bowl of tteokbokki, the book shows how even the smallest joys can bring a sense of peace.
A Mirror for the Reader
One of the most powerful aspects of this memoir is how it acts as a mirror. Readers recognize their own fears, doubts, and coping mechanisms within Baek’s story. She teaches that it is okay to feel conflicted, to want to live and die at the same time, and to still find hope in the everyday. The book becomes an emotional companion for those who struggle silently.
Conclusion
I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki stands as one of the most honest depictions of modern mental health in contemporary literature. Baek Se-hee transforms her pain into a message of empathy and resilience. Her story encourages self-awareness, compassion, and the courage to seek help. It reminds us that vulnerability is not a flaw but a form of strength.
For anyone who has ever felt lost, tired, or misunderstood, this book offers comfort and connection. It does not lecture but listens. It tells us that even in sadness, there can be small, meaningful reasons to stay; like a warm meal shared with ourselves.
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